Happy Friday

Today I woke up at 4:30 -ish because I must have done something funky with my leg and got a HORRIBLE charlie horse in my right calf. It hurt so bad I was almost in tears. But I was determined not to be in a bad mood because we are having a dual baby shower today at work.

I am so excited for it. My mom and sister are coming with the kids. I am sure there will be pictures to follow. But there are going to be about 20 people there between the three companies that make up the Team Sports family. I have had a few of the ladies tell me they are so excited about shopping for Marcus and it makes me feel good. I love this little guy and want everyone that I know and love to be a part of his life and give him all the love he deserves. I am also really looking forward to My Dad and Kallen getting to know him. My Dad is just happy that I am finally having a baby - he says he honestly never thought I would, and for Kallen to get to be the hero big cousin that Marcus adores.

On another note - I am going after work to help out at our District Wrestling Tournament at Owens C.C. I am kind of pumped for that because I have not been able to just go and watch wrestling since like 2 years ago.

Getting so close

Here I am at 30 weeks and 3 days. I have to say, for all the horror stories I have heard about the third trimester, I am actually very satisfied. My heart burn has stopped unless I wait to long to eat, then it comes on strong. I am sleeping pretty good, about the same for my second trimester. I am still tired all the time, but thats not so bad. I wake up about the same in the middle of the night. He still doesnt wake me up at night before 4 usually. I am happy. I have 9 weeks and 4 days left. My doctor told me that IF my cervix was soft and cooperating, they could induce me at 39 weeks. I think it is a little selfish wish but I hope that I can or just go naturally on my own at that point. I am just so eager to meet my little guy!! I never truly understood until now how great a miracle life is. I have to say I have learned so much from this experience and pray that those around me get to have this same opportunity someday! Soon!

Such a kid

I have to say that I am so giddy lately with just about everything, except the 4 days when I was sick. I am excited for the count down, Mark and I are constantly talking about how much fun (and work) Marcus will bring. I cannot wait. Also this weekend, we went and bought a 32" flat screen for our bedroom and a WII!! I beat him in our first bowling game but then the six after I got my butt beat BAD. He has his "mojo" down with it! WHATEVER, who can really get 4 strikes in a row. But also, I love how much fun we had side by side playing. It just reassures me how much we have grown as a couple and how much fun we still have together. I LOVE IT ALL!!

Uggghhh Monday Mornings...

I just have to say that I think Monday's are the worst days EVER. We should get another transition day between our weekends and workweeks. I needed about another 3 hours of sleep last night and this morning.

I may seem like a pessimist because of how emotional and passionate I am about a lot of things lately, but does any hate Mondays as much as I do.

I would not be surprised if I did not sleep on my lunch time today!!

A Week Makes a BIG Difference

I was at work talking to my boss yesterday and we were discussing how long I have left until my due date. I said I am 28 weeks and 4 days but she said that didn't sounds right. So I went back to April 27 and counted back. The 27th to the 20th - One weeks and so on until I got to this coming Monday- ONLY 10 WEEKS. I will be 30 weeks on the 16th instead of only 29 weeks. Now, this may seem really trivial but I got SOOOO excited. Also yesterday, I got a copy of a picture that contains the small image of my niece or nephew Decker. I am so excited for Corey to watch her grow and become more excited as the weeks begin to pass by. She does need to start posting belly pictures soon - I wanna see that belly! :)

Also on another note regarding the previous "angry" post, I want to thank everyone who gave me advice. I appreciate the blunt answers and guidance. I know deep down inside how ugly I have become because of my anger towards this situation. And the problems between Mark and I are self created and fueled. I cannot make him hate his mother and I am sure he sees the better side of her. Before I got pregnant, I loved his mom like my own family and now that I am carrying her grandson, I should probably try to get that back. I am going to try to forgive and eventually forget what happened. But it is my hope that she, herself will be a bit better and treat Marcus like a prince, which is of course how I feel about him.

I think the main problem with all this is that I KNOW a thousand times over how unfortunate it is that he was conceived outside of a marriage. I wish that I did not create this situation for him to be born into but I am convinced that I can raise him to be a happy, healthy, and honorable person. I cannot express to anyone how I feel about this little guy already. I dream of the first time I will get to hold him and I am filled with more emotions that I can contain. I want to be the best mom I can be and fill his life with happiness and love. I must first remove bad things from my life to provide this. And I was wrong to think I should remove Mark's mom instead of looking inward and removing my anger and resentment. I am sincerely going to do everything I can in all humility to make this possible.

In Serious Need

This post is something that is very personal and hard for me to deal with as Marcus' birth date draws closer. I am only bringing this to light because I am in serious need of help working out these issues before involving my innocent child.

As most of you know, I am pregnant and not married but have been dating Mark for over 3 years now. I got pregnant off of birth control and it was a total shock and surprise. My nurse at the Doctor's office stated that the form of birth control I was using is the one she has seen the most pregnancies happen with. Would have been nice to know, but it is irrelevant now. My point is, when I took the first test because I was a day late and it came back with two lines, to say I freaked out is an understatment. The first person to hear the news because I was at her house was Mark's mom. Her very first words were "Well he cannot marry you right now" and I know this because we had no money and he was not done with school. It has always been the plan just not quite yet. I then told her I did not understand how I could be pregnant because I was on birth control and she said verbatim " Well maybe you and your doctor should think of an alternative method..." my response "What like an Abortion?!" and she then boldly said "Well would you rather have a special needs child..." I was speechless and hurt. I told her 100% out of the question. I was then asked to not tell Mark that I was pregnant because he had plans for the weekend and it would ruin it.

So my dilema is that at that moment those words left her mouth - I have felt a hatred towards her. I know I should be better than this but I cannot seem to move past it. Possibly because of her maliciousness or the fact she is not sorry for what she said. I know that she was thinking of a way out of this for her son and that she had an out with the possibility that some complications could follow since I was on birth control. Every time she does something nice or kind, I try to let go and then it always comes back into my mind. I am now faced with the anxiety of letting her have anything to do with him, Mark wants her to watch him sometimes but it doesn't sit well with me at all.

I am heartbroken by the idea that she didn't want him and now acts like the proud Grandmother using his birth as bragging rights that in my opinion she doesn't deserve. I have cried so many times over this because I cannot believe that someone could be so cold and it gives me a knot everytime. I broke down this morning because I want her to have nothing to do with him, she lost that opportunity in my opinion. I just cannot make sense of all this and I know my stress is only hurting my son. And I want to be fair to him but I also believe that he deserves to be around those who love him and supported him despite the details of his birth. I am beating myself up because I know better than to harbor hate... but I do not know how to let this go. Please help

Count Down is to 80 days

Here is a picture I took the other day after I had a wal mart check out lady and a guy I work with ask me if I was having twins. Wow Am I that big?!?






Yesterday was another Doctor's appointment. I am now at the point where I have to go every two weeks instead of once a month. Scary and exciting because that means Marcus big debut will be coming sooner than later. I do tell you that I am glad all I have left is about 12 weeks because I would not want to reverse it and go back to being just 12 weeks. Have fun Corey :)

How cute are my niece and nephew

Look how big Kallen looks. I cannot believe my little bub is so big.




This is such a sweet picture of Makenna. She is so cute it is almost beyond words.


I love these pictures and plan to have the same person take Marcus' newborn pictures

Getting close

Today I am 27 weeks and I cannot believe that I only have 13 to go. It seems like a long time when you say three months... But when you have gone 27 weeks already its like "Okay I can do this. "
So far I only have two complaints about being pregnant but I love the rest.

Complaint #1 - I am SO tired. I have never gained any of my energy back. Not that big of a deal but everyday I just want to go home and sleep after work but I cannot. I am going to try to walk at least a 1 mile to 2 miles a day and see if it makes a difference.

Complaint #2 - Heartburn - I hate tums but they are my new best friend!

As Marcus is becoming more active - which is hard to believe because he has already been kicking a ton - I love to show Mark the way he moves my entire belly. Even right now - he is going crazy. I want to know where he is laying right now. I think he has started to shift down a little bit because there is movement up at the top of my belly and little hiccups down below my belly.

I love this little guy!