Anxiety

I am not someone for surprises or jokes I don't get. I like being in the "know" with everything around me. So this whole pregnancy thing with the stages of wait and see has driven me insane. First it was, potty on the stick another 3 times to make sure. Next, wait to go to the doctor to take another test, wait and see. Time frame for those two: minutes but still....slow minutes. On to the 20 weeks part, pink or blue - I HAD to know. Then its the kicking and moving all around to ease a mommy-to-be's mind that her little guy or girl is doing good. Now, its the day to day waiting game! Will I have him today or will he wait for the due date. In my case, I get to wait until Monday night and into Tuesday morning to see what he will do. Yep, the induction date set for us going in on Monday night and then pitocin on Tuesday morning. Now on top of that I am anticipating whether or not He will fit thru and if thats why my doctor is not so subtly hinting C-section.

I just left the doctors office and I am NOT dilated AT ALL. And he is high. She also measured my belly, standard practice and I am still at 35. But I have an 8lbs baby. Lets be optimistic that I will lose the baby weight pretty quickly then.

All this is running thru my mind and I feel like I am going to explode at any moment. I am walking a VERY tight wire hoping not to fall apart before the end. Thank my lucky stars the count down is now to 5 days!!!

So I am not sure if it can be called relief

I had an ultrasound today to determine why my belly was measuring small. So I went in today, after 2 nightmares last night and no sleep. My appointment was at 9:20 am and my brave sister volunteered to go with me! So we go into the room and I lay on the table and she starts rubbing all over and I see Marcus' adorable little face and he is amazing. She keeps going and I ask her to be honest and tell me what is going on. Well - she asks why and I tell her that I am measuring small and she said "SMALL!!" She proceeds to check Marcus out and says right now his weight in at 8 lbs 8 oz. give or take 1/2 a lbs. Oh my!! Anyways, he is great and there is nothing to worry about but she said I am literally ALL BABY. Yay for the hopeful sudden drop of the baby weight. Anyways I am including a picture of my little guy. If you cannot tell without being told, like me, what you are seeing - its his face! The two dark spots are his eyes and the really light is his nose and mouth. I think he is adorable! And I love him LOTS. Oh and I am getting induced on April 27th - for fear of his weight at full-term - What a switch of the gears huh!

Making you think on a Monday Morning

In an effort to keep me positive in a world of negativity, I signed up for a daily life-quote to be sent to my email at work. Every once in a while I find one I REALLY like and today was one such day....Please read below...

Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are; your reputation is merely what others think you are.

Also - I have 2 weeks and 6 days left until my expected due date. However, last Thursday I was told I was measuring small my last few appointments so as a precaution I was set up with an ultrasound for next Wednesday. I am not overly worried because my doctor loves to play it super safe - and Marcus' heart rate has been fine and he still moves a lot - but if you would send good thoughts and keep my little guy in your prayers - I would appreciate it!!!

A mess to clean up

I had my last baby shower this past weekend and I have to say it was PERFECT. It was my side of the family and my closest friends. I was surrounded by so many people that I love that it was special for that reason alone. But Marcus did get spoiled. Mark and I went into registering with the mind frame that we did not want to be greedy and register for things of vanity but when he got the gun - he went crazy - so I deleted some stuff off - shhh- Anyways we had a few basics that we still needed and got everything and SOO much more!

Here is one thing we got. I asked Corey to paint me a picture for Marcus' room and this is what I got. I have to say that it is beyond what I expected and I ADORE it! Mark loves it too. It is hanging right above his bassinet!

There will be more pictures to follow when I get a chance to put them on a disc and save them on my computer!!

Just a thought

I have wondered what I will be like as a mom and my time to find out is shrinking as we speak, I was provoked more curiously by a picture I have of my Nephew Kallen and I. A little background - I moved home for this little guy! Steph told me 2 weeks before I left for Utah that she was pregnant. Talk about something that breaks your heart - but I am glad I missed most of her pregnancy because I heard she was a bear! Lol. I did unfortunately miss Kal's baby shower but I sent a gift box to her shower that made her cry. Anyways - Kallen and I have such an awesome relationship - I love the guy so much and would protect him with my life and often wonder if my sister get annoyed at how much I butt in to save him when he is getting yelled at. Not like in a negative way but I will suggest off the wall activities that I think will make him feel better. We also "fight" he loves Ben 10 and tansformers and stuff like that and he knows Aray will play as long as I can breath - lol. But I thought that I want to be that fun mommy who is a little immature but loves to play with her kid. I want to let Marcus experience the most amazing childhood filled with love, traditions, and good times. That is what I want for Kallen too! Even as his Aunt - If I left this world right now - I want Kallen to remember how crazy I was and how much fun I was. I want my sister to be able to say that I loved him so much and share fun memories. I think that is the kind of mom I want to be. But I know he wont be a perfect angel and there will be a need for discipline. He will be part Miller and Nagel - Watch out Delta!

I guess we will see soon enough! Until then Enjoy my bubby being crazy!

Ready, Set, Go

Over the last few days, I have started to kick my preparation for Marcus into overdrive. I have started to get all my paperwork around for my disability thru work and Aflac, neatly put it in a folder and included it in the already packed diaper bag. I have 3 U of M outfits and an adorable "Mommy Loves Me" 4 piece set I found at Babys R Us and Kohls. I think the little socks are my favorite. But anyways I have all that stuff packed but I still need to pack for myself. I have also washed all of his 0-3 month outfits and folded them back into the 0-3month drawer of his little dresser. 3-6 is in another drawer and 6-9 in the bottom drawer.

Its kind of fun and scary at the same time. I am anxious about getting to meet my little guy but I am scared about all the changes that will literally happen the minute he is born. Mark cannot wait... its so cute - he thinks he is more anxious than I am but we will see. I have a bet that he is going to cry when he sees Marcus for the first time! I know I will be crying myself - whether it is from the pain (I am trying to stand strong and go natural) or every emotion granted to man kind when I get to hold him.

As of today - if I go full term to my due date - I have 40 days until arrival!!!

A picture to cherish

I am really excited to have pictures my sister took of me prego! Not for vain reasons but I loved finding picture of my mom pregnant and she would say - "You were in there!" I am a little bit of a sentimental person if you don't already know it but I want to be able to show my little guy the same thing someday!

Enjoy!