This post is something that is very personal and hard for me to deal with as Marcus' birth date draws closer. I am only bringing this to light because I am in serious need of help working out these issues before involving my innocent child.
As most of you know, I am pregnant and not married but have been dating Mark for over 3 years now. I got pregnant off of birth control and it was a total shock and surprise. My nurse at the Doctor's office stated that the form of birth control I was using is the one she has seen the most pregnancies happen with. Would have been nice to know, but it is irrelevant now. My point is, when I took the first test because I was a day late and it came back with two lines, to say I freaked out is an understatment. The first person to hear the news because I was at her house was Mark's mom. Her very first words were "Well he cannot marry you right now" and I know this because we had no money and he was not done with school. It has always been the plan just not quite yet. I then told her I did not understand how I could be pregnant because I was on birth control and she said verbatim " Well maybe you and your doctor should think of an alternative method..." my response "What like an Abortion?!" and she then boldly said "Well would you rather have a special needs child..." I was speechless and hurt. I told her 100% out of the question. I was then asked to not tell Mark that I was pregnant because he had plans for the weekend and it would ruin it.
So my dilema is that at that moment those words left her mouth - I have felt a hatred towards her. I know I should be better than this but I cannot seem to move past it. Possibly because of her maliciousness or the fact she is not sorry for what she said. I know that she was thinking of a way out of this for her son and that she had an out with the possibility that some complications could follow since I was on birth control. Every time she does something nice or kind, I try to let go and then it always comes back into my mind. I am now faced with the anxiety of letting her have anything to do with him, Mark wants her to watch him sometimes but it doesn't sit well with me at all.
I am heartbroken by the idea that she didn't want him and now acts like the proud Grandmother using his birth as bragging rights that in my opinion she doesn't deserve. I have cried so many times over this because I cannot believe that someone could be so cold and it gives me a knot everytime. I broke down this morning because I want her to have nothing to do with him, she lost that opportunity in my opinion. I just cannot make sense of all this and I know my stress is only hurting my son. And I want to be fair to him but I also believe that he deserves to be around those who love him and supported him despite the details of his birth. I am beating myself up because I know better than to harbor hate... but I do not know how to let this go. Please help
5 comments:
you know what I'm going to say... Pray about it. Ask Heavenly Father for help. He'll help you out because He loves you!
Personally, I would have a huge grudge too. And it would be hard for me to forget or forgive someone who said that to me. But, I do know that if you take your problems and questions to Heavenly Father he'll help you out. And he'll listen! Hope this helps!
I know how you love to read, I am going to see if I can track down a book that my Mom found useful in helping to forgive, and you know the rough time she has been through... I will talk to you tomorrow probably.... love you
I'm sorry that your future mother-in-law acted in such a poor manor. Look at it from her perspective though. It came as just as big of a shock to her as it did to you. I am in NO WAY implying that what she said was justified, but often when you're taken by surprise you may say something without realizing the effect if has on someone else. If she's being a proud grandma now it shows that she is excited about the baby. She may not ever see the error of what she said, but it's clearly causing you more pain than it needs to. I would agree with what has been said above and strongly encourage you to pray to remove the grudge. It's not fair to you or your son to have those emotions there. Unfortunately we can't choose who our family is, but we can choose how we will react to them. You're a stronger person than you give yourself credit for and can overcome these ill feelings. Give her a chance to prove herself again and if she doesn't, then discuss it with Mark. Between you, Mark, and your Heavenly Father you'll be able to make the right decision that will have the best outcome for your family.
By the way, not having money is a poor excuse not to get married. You can always go to the court house and celebrate later. Or, you can do what my friend did and get married, but don't tell anyone so you can still have the engagement and large wedding later. :)
One more thing. Right now may not be the best time to make any major decisions. Pregnancy hormones are out of control making it very difficult to determine what you're actually feeling versus what your hormones are telling you to feel. You may want to put off any major decisions until well after the baby comes - especially if you suffer from postpartum depression. You may feel that you're being logical, but believe me, often you're not. And the closer you get to delivering, the worse it gets. You're body will start cranking them out like crazy to prepare itself. Breath, pray, and try to relax until it's all over (at least 6 weeks past). Then look at it again and see if you feel differently.
That was mean of her and that is all I really have to say. I not a good at advise at all because I am not the best at living life but... Haha.... I would just say to you, don't let this well up inside you without addressing the issue. That will just hurt both parties in the long run. I love you.
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