True Realizations

Today was filled with crucial and necessary emotions. None of which I thought I would have to face anytime soon. But as Heavenly Father's wisdom is infinate, I needed a reminder of how precious life can be. My day started with not feeling well, possibly from bad chinese food from last night, so I missed work. Mark took my car to wrestling practice and I decided to lay back down. It was about 8:30 am when I received a call from Mark saying there was an accident on Airport Highway but that it wasn't him. Just as those word came out, he started to say " And I just about got into one... Oh bleep....." dead silence. My heart dropped. I finally got a hold of him and he said he got into an accident and that there was a little damage to my car. I was okay but there was little information given at the time. Come to find out he had avoided a dingbat who stopped because I trooper was driving with his lights on coming in the OPPOSITE direction. I may be wrong but unless its an ambulance or a cop car on the side of a lane, you do not have to get over or slow down. He was just driving with his light on, gimme a break. So anyways Mark tried to stop and get over but he hit a patch of ice and did a 360 and hit the stopped car and went into the other lane of oncoming traffic. If anyone knows Airport Highway, its busy and had lots of bad accidents.

So my true realization came in the form of, what if. I have about fifty that came to mind but the hardest to swallow comes in the form of What if I lost the man I love and a son losing a father without ever meeting him. I thought what if I had to raise our son and he never knew his father. Or what if I never got to touch him again. No kiss goodnight or cuddling until I went to bed. Soon after I really fell in love with him, I started to worry about losing him some day. I will lose my best friend and the person who makes me whole.

I finally broke down and starting crying pretty bad just thinking about the thought that I would never get to see him. So tonight I keep reminding myself to not even take one second for granted and to love him more so that If the What If ever comes true, I know he will never wonder if and how much I love him.